Bumper Sticker: "If you can read this sticker, I can slam on
my breaks and claim damages from you."

                            ***

"One time we were driving through a construction zone and the
sign said, SPEED LIMIT 35 AHEAD. And there were four of us in
the car. We were through there in no time." -Geechy Guy

                            ***

 

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking
his thumb, though his mother tried everything from bribery
to reasoning to painting it with pepper sauce to discourage
the habit.

Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't
stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like
a balloon!"

Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a
pregnant woman sitting on a bench.  The four-year-old watched
her for a minute, before saying, "Uh-oh... I know what YOU'VE
been doing."

                            ***

 

The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps,
so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he
went home to join his father's firm.

At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his
father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke
the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"

His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the
funding of that case for ten years!"

 

                            ***

 

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months,
Joe was hired by a warehouse.  But one day he lost control
of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. 

Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd
have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the
repairs. 

"How much will it cost?" he asked.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" said Joe. "I've finally got job security!"

 

                            ***